If I have to I will

Honestly,

This is tough to even write about. 

I looked up to you both, I saw love, a team, caring, trusting, passionate, hardworking, unselfish people. I didn't get to see all the years, but I know, 25 years of marriage must have been a journey. You were always there for each other, you were friends, and took care of each other. 

Somewhere down the line, something changed. And I noticed this the most last summer, dad. You would drink and drink and drink outside by the pool. And thats ok to have a few after a long day at work. The family recognizes and appreciates the money you earn to put food on the table, amongst other necessities. But then you over do it. And you embarrass the family. Bringing up issues we've talked about previously, or making comments, or saying inappropriate things to my friends. 

I let the first few times go because I didn't see a pattern until now. Winter hits, you don't drink as much. But you get the winter blues. You don't want to do anything. You don't want to go out and see your friends. You just wanna eat dinner, lay on the couch, watch tv, and fall asleep. Which, again. I understand work is stressful. But it makes us worry. And then you stop taking your depressant pills. And then you go to Mexico to destress and ending up making it more stressful for mom. You over did it again, dad. 

Mom is wearing down faster then erosion. Mom probably shouldn't tell me what goes on between you two. But we've built are relationship from the start with communication, trust, and a shared common trait. We do things for others before ourselves. And often we feel like we're number 2 instead of number one. That we give and give and give and only get a little bit back. It hurts. And I know it seems selfish for mom to want to do things for herself. And I know you're trying to keep it together, dad. That nothing's going on, that there's no tension in the house, or mom didn't tell you "Maybe i dont wanna be with you anymore." And i bet that hurt like hell. It hurt me too. 

Dad, I know you feel like everyone is against you. But we support you. Mike is just as blind as you are to what's going on under our roof. That mom won't leave you. However, I've been watching this build and build and build to a point where I've seen you both change. And not side by side, but separately.  

Mom, please don't give up. Talk to dad. I know he gets defensive and he's sensitive. But that's a trait we share. And I think counseling is a great idea, but for you both. This is toxic to me. I can't be the shrink anymore. This whole week i've done nothing but cry and cry and cry. Wondering if one day i'll have to choose what house I want to leave in, what christmas i want to go to first etc. 

Dad, I'm not choosing a side. I love you equally as much as mom. But this madness has got to stop. Don't give up on mom. Don't give up on us. I know you're trying. But a orange juicer isn't the answer. A new car. Isn't the answer. Choose mom over work. Stay with the one you love all these years. Choose mike and I. 
It's going to be rough for a bit longer, but talking to a professional and mom will help. I bet you both will come out of this stronger then ever. But you got to try. And if you're not goin to do it for anyone. Do it for yourself. 

My optimism that this will all work out is wearing thin.

I love you both. And I hope it doesnt get to the point where I have to write you something like this. So you understand how deeply this affects me. Just because Im 21 and not 2. Doesn't mean this doesnt scare me. It's starting to affect my outlook on marriage and i cant concentrate at work. I need this to work out. 
Cause no one wants to have nothing and be alone all their life. 

Both of you.
Grow up.
I love you.
Im thankful for every single thing you've ever done for me.
But this mess.
Isn't a sweep under the carpet. 
I'm not your emotional punching bag after work. 
Go seek help. 

Be my parents.