Tea

Honestly, 

I thought up, wrote out, a nice outline to a possible novel the other day. I'm loosing sleep over it. And I want to start it, but I'm afraid the life I create inside it will intertwine too much with my real life now. 

The characters are already adaptions from real people in my life. And I've been down this road before. I'd write and write and write...get to 600+ pages and hate the ending. Probably because I wasn't sure if thats how I'd want my life to end. It really shouldn't be about my life. They should run parallel, not connected and twisty like a braided rope. 

This blog right here...this confessing, ranting, and secret spilling-ish- is it's purpose. The idea was to separate two worlds so I could write more freely-novel style. 

I'm just scared and I shouldn't be. This is a challenge. I should be running right for it. I should just accept that the ending I create won't ever be the ending I get. Life doesn't work like that. Like a movie. With a possible happy ending. 

However, my style of writing is just too tempting not to keep writing the same way. It's like method acting. Except I still haven't figured out the separation of two worlds. Oh well. Don't know why I'm complaining so much. Fucking suck it up and just...do it. Go with the flow like you do always. So what one of the characters is a guy your seeing. It's probably going to end anyways. So write it like it won't. Even though you tell yourself everyday it will end. Just suck it up ! Suck it up and finish your green tea. 

Damn this is amazing tea.