Picture to Burn.

Honestly,

I've been grieving this relationship. And let's break this down...

1) Denial.

You make excuses for their behaviour, give them the benefit of the doubt, and hope that they realize what they have. When that doesn't happen because most of the time it doesn't. You start to realize that it is really over.

2) Anger.

This realization makes you angry enough to make stupid decisions ( sometimes), like get intoxicated to the point where you are crying on your best friends schoulder, or wake up worried/ don't remember what you did last night. Now, drinking booze numbs the anger and takes your mind off the obvious. That he/ she isn't right for you. Sure, the relationship could have been great. But for whatever reason it's not anymore. You are mad at the world. At yourself. You blame everyone first and then yourself. And after awhile you think...Hmm....what if I did this?

3) Bargaining

IF I broke up with him/ her? Would she/ he do this.....? love me back? Want to be with me more? Realize what they had was awesome?

OR

If I did....differently? If I changed? If I worked harder? If I appriciated him/her a little more? If I treated her/him better? If I wasn't so selfish? If I didn't want to control everything...could I get her/ him back?

And the answer to all these questions is no because.....it really is over. There are exceptions.
People break up and get back together all the time. And I will qoute an awesome movie. " You are not the exception. You are the RULE." from the movie and book "He's Just Not That Into You." What I'm saying is, if you are at the point in your relationship...where...you both want different things then you did in the beginning. It will most likely end. Relationships take time, are hard, and don't always last. High expectations will only disapoint you more then if you had little to begin with. People make mistakes, disapoint, and make bad decisions. It's a life fact. Once you accept this...and that it's okay to take a break from the relationship woahs and highs then you are ready to move on.

4) Depression

I find, from personal experience. That the "crying phase" could happen in anywhere between stages 1-3 (Denial, Anger, and Bargaining), or it can happen once you've tried to bargain but failed. Or really, you cry through all three stages until you've concluded that he/she doesn't deserve your tears. And these stages are different for guys. I find that once they break up with someone, they go straight to drinking. Once that's done, then it sets it. "Oh. Shit. I'm really really single. Fuck." Then they get miserable, depressed, and go through the stages. Hey, I could be wrong I don't have a degree in this. I'm speaking from personal observations and experience. Don't qoute me. I never said I'm an expert.
Anyways...

So you cry and cry and cry. Insert all the cliches. All the song you hear on the radio that cause a mini break down in your car, it's raining ( ALWAYS), and "If I were your man" by Bruno Mars comes on. You blast it to cover the sounds of you crying. You blast it when you are in the shower, sitting down, letting the water thrash down on your brain, as if metephorically washing away your thoughts of him/ her. You blast it when you are writing in your journal, which is very theraputic. And ! Crying holds such a negative stigma. It's ok to cry. You are allowed. It to is theraputic. I remember, back when being "emo" was seen as being "gay". And well. I'm a deep person. Not trying to be sexist. But girl's are emotional creatures. Guys get bullied for being deep and sensitive. But why bash them for being themeselves? Us criers... cry at movies, songs, happy, sad, confused etc. And I think it makes you a stronger person in my opinion. Being able to let it all out, let go of the past, live in the now, and allow yourself to move on. Don't sweat the small stuff. Big stuff take time. But it's OK. Take all the time you need. And then....you....finally.....can breath. And move on. Picking up the pieces of your big broken heart. Gluing them back together, tape, ducktape etc. whatever metephorical healing devices. I don't suggest the over consumation of booze. Honestly, we've all been there.

5) Acceptance.

Things aren't so sad anymore. Neither is your life. Things are starting to look up. You don't cry as often. If so, rarely about your end of relationship. You go out with your friends, party, socialize, and meet new people. You conclude that there is someone out there in this big old hunk of rock. That deserves every inch of who you are. They are good, kind, funny...whatever quality that attracts you. They got those eyes that are full of life and ready to take on challenges. They thrive for adventure and are confident in who they are. They deal with shit head on. They make you feel like top of the world. But call you on all your shit and issues. Whom are open, honest, and treat you well.

Your friends get you when maybe other people don't. Even if other people know you. Your bestest friends have been there all along. They understand what you are going through. We've all been through realtionships. They offer advice, help be your wing man or lady, and cheer you up when that damn song is on the radio on constant repeat. You learn to love that song. I did.

Acceptance. It takes people longer then others. And that's ok. I feel like this greiving era is a cycle. It's like life. You live, you die, and you spirtitually live again. I'm going to leave it at that. And avoid talking about religion or anything else because I just dont have time for that. Ha Ha Ha. Maybe one day.

I also, clearly have been thinking about this a lot. But, there really is no way to have the right relationship. There...is the wrong way. And that's common sense. However, when it comes to doing or being in the right relationship. Well, there's tons of books, opinions, advice, movies, experts ect. that teach us, generally, how to accomplish the right relationship or in my case "Keep The Guy" ( a book that has come out recently, forget the author and probably will end up reading it). And hey, write all the self help/ relationship/ how to books you want. Furthermore, at the end of the day it's hasn't even gotten down to a science. There is just no way to know how to be or what a right realtionship/bf/gf/ whatever/ is.

There are somethings in life that are uncertain. It's up to you to figure it out. To live it the best you can. To be young, wild, and free. To grow old, wise, and truly lived. And to love with all that you got, no matter the circumstances or outcomes. You will get hurt. You will learn. You will move on. Another cycle.

And I think the saying, "Everything will be ok." Is total bullshit. Don't tell people what they already know.

In that moment. They feel like shit and want sympathy. Just say it like it is..."You're beautiful/great/amazing/.... I know how you feel. Lets get another drink to celebrate your singleness."

CHEERS to the weekend.
Please don't drink and drive.
Excuse me while I blast, "Picture to burn" by Taylor Swift.

stay beauts,
shan xoxo.